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A man does not want to create a family with you. What is it talking about?

Partner confessed your love. You are sure that you are close and come to each other. However, the relationship was stuck at the stage of courtship and meetings. A man is in no hurry to take the next step and does not offer to live together. “Why is he so indecisive?” – you ask yourself. We share possible answers to this question.

He is afraid of intimacy

“We have been together for two years, we love and trust each other. Nevertheless, my friend does not want to live together, – Arina shares. – When I hint – says that we still have everything ahead and it is worth extending the romantic period. I feel that from time to time it is important for him to be alone and he seems to be afraid to lose freedom „.

“Some are so afraid of rapprochement that they have counter -dependence – a fear of dependence on the person to whom they are attached,” explains the psychologist Marina Myus. – This fear of intimacy is from childhood: the child is left to himself and is deprived of connection with the closest person – mother. „. Another adult does not appear next to him, with whom the baby would have confidential contact. If the stage of attachment formation has not ended, it is difficult for a person to build relationships.

He did not separate from his mother

“We have close relationships, and I would really like us to create a family and be truly together,” Olga admits. “Sometimes it seems to me that the whole point is that I do not like my mother, who affects him greatly.”.

Psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan, who studied the problem of the unfinished separation of mother and child, jokingly compared the mother with the female crocodile, who seeks to drag her grown baby back in the womb.

“We are talking about controlling mothers prone to hyperopeca. A man may not live with his mother and not even keep contact with her, the expert explains. – However, at an unconscious level, he did not break away from the imperious parent and, deep down, is afraid that you will follow in her footsteps and begin to control every step of his „.

Even if you do not give him a reason to suspect you of this, he will project the image of his mother to every close woman. And this prospect is desperately scared.

What’s next?

The romantic period of meetings with such a person is unusually emotionally saturated, which is why it seems to the woman that the subsequent life together will be the same. However, a partner,

incapable of rapprochement, but nevertheless in need of warmth and attention, demonstrates such an intensity of feelings only for a short time. And after he, as a rule, has an emotional decline. Therefore, he is satisfied only with meetings, but not a joint life.

“If a man does not offer anything and a“ dead zone ”begins in a relationship, a woman often has the so -called“ casino effect ”. She wants to play the situation so that the man recognizes its significance and make the long -awaited proposal, the psychologist comments. – She puts an ultimatum: either we will be together, or I’m leaving. A partner can agree under her pressure. However, then you will have to encourage the man to the next stage, the birth of children, and be responsible for the relationship that he did not choose „.